I never knew the trouble of love until this day. I never believed it could be injurious until this day. I never realized it was unbearable pain until the day I confirmed that my heart would never get what it had longed for all this time — Ali Na’ibi.

Truly, love is sweet when it comes without bitter complications. But when it’s tangled with hardship, it’s painful. As Ya IM once said (NA GROWTH I FALL), “It’s so sweet, yet so painful.”

I began to feel resentment (jealousy) toward my sister Zanirah. In my view, she was the one who grew up quickly and made Hajjah impatient enough to start thinking of marrying her off. And she just had to cling to someone in the family — my Aliyu, my elder brother Aliyu Haydar Na’ibi A.B. Giwa.

From me to Zanirah, neither of us could sleep — we just tossed and turned on our beds. When it became too much for me, I burst into uncontrollable tears. I thought to myself: if I lose Yaya Aliyu, if he doesn’t become my husband and life partner, how will my life continue? Oh Allah, do not give Hajjah the power to strengthen this bond over this matter. Oh Allah, remove Aliyu from Zanirah’s heart. I’ve searched everywhere in my mind, and I see no way to make a small sacrifice and leave him for her — unless she grows up and leaves him for me — otherwise, we both lose, or we both win.

Without warning, Zanirah stood up and turned on the light. The room flooded with brightness. She stared at me without saying a word, then went into the toilet to perform ablution, came out, put on her hijab, and began praying voluntary prayers.

My mind became more unsettled, for I thought Zanirah was praying to Allah to make Yaya Aliyu hers and keep him away from me. I became even more distraught, crying as hard as I could without letting the rest of the household hear.

Without hesitation, Zanirah finished her prayer and said, “Fa’izah, are you okay?”

I paused, crying, and replied, “I’ve started crying because we will be separated, Zanirah…”

It seemed she didn’t believe me entirely, for she smiled and said, “May Allah make it so in your heart. After all, separation is inevitable — we can’t remain together as daughters forever. If there’s no marriage, there is death, and there are the many decrees of Allah.”

To be continued in Book 2…